This Christmas will be a markedly different one from me in more ways than one. For one, I didn’t have any presents to open like I usually do*, other than a wrapped angpow from my parents. That means either one of two things: 1) people are beginning to feel the economic pinch, OR, 2) I’m growing up.
But beyond all the Christmas presents, the festivities, feasting, and sugar rushes from one too many cookies, I think that for the first time this year, the heart of what Christmas is all about really began to mean something to me, aside from all the tradition and sentimentality.
The reality of life
This year has been a difficult, painful one for me. Oh, on the outside I’ve had many successes, added a number of feathers to my cap, and made some very real and meaningful friendships along the way. But on the inside, I struggled with some equally real issues and doubts about my faith and about the church and the lives of people who claimed to follow Him. I’ve questioned whether it was really worth it all and why I should even bother. I’ve decided that maybe there is no other way than putting on a mask, because after all, real Christians don’t struggle with such things. And then I wallowed in guilt and shame for thinking and believing such things.
All of us have been there at some point or another, haven’t we? Where we question why we bother doing things the way we do. When we can’t seem to understand. When we don’t see the meaning in all the seemingly routine things we have to go through or face. When we are faced with hardship and difficulty and it’s hard not to ask “Why?”. And when we either blame others or beat ourselves up with guilt because of the struggles we face.
Life can be so confusing and messy sometimes, isn’t it?
Which is why sometimes it’s so easy to let presents and tinsel define what Christmas really is, and let the true meaning of “God With Us” fly over our heads. God with US. Immanuel incarnate - living among us in the flesh, as a breathing, crying, pooping baby.
The God who needed His diapers changed
Many of us are familiar with Christmas messages that focus on Christ’s ultimate destiny on earth – to die on the cross and save us from all our sins. And that is true, He did come, to ultimately die. But it baffles me. He could have come in so many other ways, in so many other different stages of life. He’s God - surely he could have entered the scene just as a full-grown man, without having to live 9 months in a teenage girl’s womb, and be pushed out in the world in the most ungraceful way possible in the dirtiest surroundings possible.
If his only purpose was to die, he could have come as a man. His public ministry didn’t even begin until he was around his thirties! Surely, there must be a Bigger Purpose that Christ came to earth as a baby, otherwise the first thirty years of his life growing up as a carpenter’s apprentice would be meaningless.
Why would the Creator of everything suffer the indignity of having His nappies changed every few hours? Of depending on breast milk to survive? Of being born in a stable, a resting place meant for animals or the transportation of that time, and not for humans? Imagine Jesus being born in one of today’s parking lots, or garages. He could have chosen so many other ways.
God of the In-Betweens
But the fact that He chose this way fills me with so much hope, because to me it is not only proof of His love for us, and proof that He came to save the world (messages with which we are all very familiar with at this time of the year), but more so, it is proof that my IN-BETWEENS - my entire life on earth - MATTERS. The little intricacies of every day life matter.**
It matters because God Himself went through the same life, except perhaps in more squalid conditions than many of us will ever have to live in. And because He did it for a much Bigger Purpose – that His love for us could be proved.
All the seemingly mundane, meaningless things I have to face while waiting for my dreams, my Bigger Purpose to happen, whether it’s washing dishes at Starbucks or doing the laundry at home or going for an evening walk – THEY MATTER.
All the suffering I have gone through, all the questions and doubts I have faced – they matter, because they are part of a Bigger Purpose. Just as God became human to identify with us - our sufferings and troubles allow us to identify with those who have been through the same thing. And my suffering could become someone else’s answer, someone else’s hope, or even someone else’s proof of God’s love.
Because of what the Creator of all - the God of the universe did, we can no longer say that our life on earth is meaningless. We’re not here just to pass the time, to wait for something better. Everything is part of a much grander plan.
Because of that, I have the freedom of choosing to believe that I don’t have to wait for “somedays” anymore - someday when I’m in a better situation, when my knight in shining armor comes riding in, when I’m successful and accomplished, to find meaning. Because of that, I can be assured that even in my doubt, God is working to bring about the fulfillment of something bigger. Because of that, I am set free to live my life to its fullest in the now - believing that all the daily routines I’m so accustomed to, all the friendships and relationships I cherish, all the hopes and dreams bubbling in my heart - are all part of a Bigger Plan.
What a beautiful way to live.
This Christmas, from my heart to yours, I pray that you will encounter Christ - the heart of Christmas - in a real and tangible way, as I have. Have a Blessed Christmas and a Happy New Year!
*Update: I now have two wrapped presents!
**I am very thankful to Boundless webzine and author George Halitzka for helping me understand these revelations through the following articles and stories: The First Christmas & Josh’s Time (a modern-day retelling of the Christmas story)
